These 3 little fellows worked diligently to gather sticks from various parts of the playground.  One would pick up a stick and come to tell me that he had found a “door post”.  Another would show me the “camera” that he was attaching for security on their fort.  Their imaginations had a great workout as they planned and devised, fixed and adjusted, built and rebuilt, the little fort in the trees.  As things came together I could hear them encouraging one another for the good job they had done.

Humans seem to have an innate urge to build up things.  We want our own space, our own turf.  We love to put our stamp on things and have input.  I enjoy teaching so much because I get the daily opportunity to put my “stamp” on the children – helping build them up as God’s children.

I have a few close friends who have been like those boys today.  They have stood with me and encouraged me.  They have gone to help me find the “sticks” to rebuild the fort of my life.  They cheer me on as I struggle in my life’s journey.  I could not easily build the “fort” of my life alone.  God’s people have helped me immensely.

For me, writing is therapeutic.  I have written a journal since I was a young girl.  Most of my journal entries are actually not documenting what has been going on in my life, they have instead focused on my feelings and thoughts about my life and where it is going.  I find my journal to be a source of comfort – a place where I can sort things out and process what is going on around me.  It is healing, in these turbulent times. to have a safe place to share what is really on my heart and my mind.

So while the journal has received much attention of late, this blog has not.  I’ve never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.  Yet, keeping what is bothering me inside is not helpful.  I have opened up to a few people and that has seen a treasure of support and love and care bestowed on me. God did not mean for us to live our lives in isolation.  There is so much to be gained by being in a caring community.

Life right now is unpredictable and uncertain.  Yet, I have the confidence that I am not walking alone.  Things might be rough at the moment, but God is there.  He ministers to me through His Word, through His people, through His creation.  I am not alone and I take great comfort in that fact.  While my world crashes around me, I take comfort in the fact that God’s promises are sure and certain.

So, at least for a time, I will not have the nice orderly life that I crave.  Perhaps I was too complacent.  It’s so easy to take the good things for granted when life is going smoothly.  Well I am not taking things for granted now.  I treasure every loving contact with my children and others in my support system.  I praise God for the ability to stand strong – not with my own strength, but with His.

All of creation in this part of the world is waiting for that fresh breath of spring and all the newness that brings.  Yet, there is still much to enjoy in winter – the fresh beauty of newly fallen snow, the heavily laden trees looking like abominable snow people, the squirrel scampering across the fence for his bit of winter exercise.

For me, personally, it is also a time of expectancy and hope.  I have been through a rough few weeks; however, I am now seeing glimmers of hope for the days to come.  I wouldn’t have hope if it weren’t for Christ working in me.  I could not have survived all this turmoil alone.  I do not have the strength to do so.

So now, as nature awaits spring and all its possibilities, I too await the wondrous things my God has for me in the days to come.  I am determined to be open to the things He would have for me.   There may be challenges in what comes, but I will not have to deal with them without assistance.  God is indeed gracious and sustains us throughout all life’s troubles.

In working with children on programs such as these, I always try to remind students that we are doing the program to glorify God and not to do a show.  Yet, so everyone feels comfortable in what they are doing , we do need to go over things again and again.  I try to encourage them to do their best, whether or not there is an audience present.

Do I do things right only when the “audience” is present?  Oh, way too many times.  I do like to put on a good “show” and appear to have it all together.  And yes, I should be trying my best to do what’s right – but let’s face it, none of us can get it right all the time.

In this Christmas season it is so wonderful to know that God knows me for who I am and that He forgives me when I am repentent about not being whom I should.  And – the message never gets old – Jesus loves us and He came to earth as a tiny baby to be our Savior.  How blessed we are.

I have gone by those shoes everyday for 3 days.  I just don’t have the heart to move them.  I like to think that my dear son will be home at any moment to fill those shoes.  I miss his cheerful spirit and kind ways.  Somehow those shoes sitting there bring a bit of his spirit into the house.

We all impact others in many ways.  I think my son would be surprised to know what a difference his presence makes in this household.  I wonder what kind of impact I have made in the lives of others today.  Have I shone the light of Christ or have I hidden that light under a bush?  I’m sure that I will never know what far reaching effects my life has had on those whom I have met.  I pray that God would use me to make a positive impact on those around me.

It’s a long way from my music classes at school.  As I work with my elementary aged students I have to have a lot of patience.  I know how beautiful the song could be, but… they are young and inexperienced and often won’t meet the mark I would like to have set for them.  I guess that’s like me.  I miss the mark so often when it comes to living the Christian life.  I know what the “piece” should sound like, but I go my own way and do my own thing.  How I must grieve my Heavenly Father at times. 

While my music students can gradually improve their performance skills with practice, I can do nothing to fix my messes in my Christian walk – only Jesus can do that.  I can try and try to “be good”, but even with lots of effort I will never get it all right.  Does that mean I stop trying?  No.  I couldn’t image a life where I didn’t give a care.  The mercy God has shown me through His Son causes me to want to share that joy and love with others.

It’s hard to watch them cope with their “chipmunk” cheeks and sore heads.  It was very difficult for me to go to work the day after their surgery and leave them alone.  I’d like to be able to make things better for them, but this is one of those things that they just have to get through.  It’s not something you can go around or avoid or shorten.

There are times when I wonder why God lets me go through certain things.  Though I pray and pray to have the difficulty removed or lessened, there are times when God seems to be saying that is is necessary for me to go through the trial instead. 

In the Psalms it says that God’s ways are perfect.  No mistakes.  No misjudgments.  No oopsies.  God has it all under control. 

I still get irritated when I have to go through difficult times – why can’t God make it better?  As I watch two friends battle cancer, both with children still at home, I want to scream at God for allowing it to happen.  Yet, I know that God hates sin and death and sickness, etc.  And He does promise to never leave us or forsake us when the bad times hit.

I was very much convicted of the fact this weekend that I really need to let go and let God do the work in my life.  I try way too hard to do things right and be proactive to avoid trouble.  But I cannot do it all.   Life throws curve balls all the time.   I was reminded today of the fact that true peace in these trying circumstances will only come from God.  It might be a good idea if I just stop resisting and trying to do it all myself, and let God work in my heart and life.

To whoever reads this, may you have a blessed Thanksgiving.  I pray that you can give thanks to God for what He is doing in your life.

I cannot take a walk in fall without being reminded of God’s hand in creation.  His intricate design and the interconnectedness of nature is astounding.  The brilliant colors with which He chooses to decorate our fall landscape are truly amazing.

It was great to share with my students about how God’s hand is at work in our world and how we also know how much He cares for us too.  That’s the joy for me with working with young children – they so easily take in the truths of how God cares for us and the message of salvation through Jesus Christ.  It’s my challenge and God given privilege to keep sharing that message with them.  Sometimes I feel so inadequate about it all.  How thankful I am for the Holy Spirit, who speaks through me.

I pray that I can look at the world through the eyes of a child a little more often.  The world is full of such wonders and God continues to provide so many opportunities to explore it.

The wedding was beautiful.  There was amazing organ music, many voices joined in song, and a meaningful service.  The reception was in a wonderland of lights and trees that my daughter put together.  My daughter was a radiant bride who totally enjoyed her day. 

But now real life sets in.  After the honeymoon my daughter has a lot of packing up to do to finish moving out of our home.  We will have to make the adjustment to having her not living with us once again – only this time we know it’s that she is gone for good.  I am feeling happy and sad at once – glad that she has married a fine Christian man, sad that I won’t have her around as much. 

 So many adjustments to make at this time.  I am so thankful that God is constant through it all.  I couldn’t survive these many changes in life without Him.

My lovely bride-to-be has lots on her minds these days – the wedding is just over 2 weeks away.  She was having her moments last night wishing she’d eloped.  No doubt many have felt that way as the wedding details get overwhelming. 

After finally eating she began to watch tv while sitting in our old recliner.  Before I knew it she was curled up in a little ball and sound asleep.  As I watched her sleeping I couldn’t help but think of the little girl who had often fallen asleep in that old chair.  Not long after she was 2 years old she had decided that she wasn’t taking naps and she wasn’t going to be put in a bed in the afternoon.  So, many times, we sat in that old recliner and read stories and then she would curl up in it and fall fast asleep.  Somehow to her, it wasn’t a real “nap” when she wasn’t in bed.

As she lay curled up once again in that chair last night I was struck by the fact of how much of my little girl is still in there.  She looked so sweet and vulnerable.  I wish I could have just picked up her up, as I could when she was a child, and just cuddle her and help all the frustration go away.

I am getting sentimental – even more so as the wedding grows closer.  I will admit to having lots of tears at the changes that are coming; knowing that our family will never be the same. 

It will be a happy and sad event for me.  I am very happy with her young man and that she is so happy.  Sad, though, to lose a part of her.  But that is how it should be.  We raised her to be a competent Christian woman who could function on her own.

This blog likely won’t get added to much in the upcoming days.  It’s moving days for my school as we set up in a new facility and then the wedding.  Life is full and rich and God is good.